ACT II
SCENE 1
In front of Calvin's bench
Surfer Dude comes up the boardwalk
He's soaking wet and carrying his surfboard
Calvin waves to him
Calvin takes the IPOD earphones out
CALVIN
(yelling)
You left your iPOD here! I hope you don't mind that I was listening to it while you were gone!
SURFER DUDE
No problem, man! Thanks for watching out for it!
CALVIN
You have a GREAT selection of electric surf music here -- you've got good taste!
SURFER DUDE
Who do you like?
CALVIN
Well, I like to close my eyes and float away to Surfer Girl and The Lonely Sea then I like to listen to, Pipeline, Wipe Out and the wildest song of all.......Surfin Bird!
SURFER DUDE
(eyes closed)
Yeah, Surfin Bird! Wild.
(opening his eyes)
Thanks, man. You're cool. And I haven't forgotten about that Berlin dude either!
(Surfer Dude hesitates)
Hey...are you sitting on a fishing hook?
CALVIN
(wincing)
Yes. I'm stuck here.
Calvin tries to lift his bottom, groaning as he does so
He plops back down
He winces again
CALVIN
Would you mind helping me get it out?
SURFER DUDE
(shielding his eyes, as if he's being blinded)
No way, man. I can't go THERE.
He plops down next to Calvin
SURFER DUDE
That's a real bummer you're stuck like that. How did it happen?
CALVIN
Well, I left my father's home to make it on my own out in the world. I've always wanted to be a dee jay and play electric surf music.
(hanging his head, looking ashamed)
One thing has led to another and I guess I found it a lot easier to sit around and drink and fish...and it caught up with me.
SURFER DUDE
Hey, your life's not OVER man! You CAN do things different! How can I help?!
(sheepishly, pointing to Calvin's hook)
Well, ummm, other than THAT!
CALVIN
(excitedly)
I've been thinking about a plan! A plan to get my life back together! A plan to get this hook out of my butt! A plan to play electric surf music and be a dee jay! A plan to show my father! A plan to...a plan to SAVE this boardwalk, and all of the businesses on it, from being torn down and made into a casino!
SURFER DUDE
(shocked)
What do you mean, being torn down? WHAT CASINO!!? My dad never said anything about...
CALVIN
Your dad? How would he know?
SURFER DUDE
Oh, my dad just knows a lot.
CALVIN
The old man who pushes a broom around here told me that he overheard developers talking about how they have permits to tear all of this...
(gesturing behind him)
...down and build a casino.
SURFER DUDE
Will they take the ocean too?
CALVIN
(shaking his head)
No, not even they can do that.
SURFER DUDE
WHEW!
But they'll take my surf shop?
CALVIN
Yes, all the shops will go.
SURFER DUDE
(head in his hands)
Oh man. Oh man. Oh man.
CALVIN
Are you willing to help me? Are you willing to save our town?
SURFER DUDE
(bobbing his head)
Of course I am, man. Count me in. What can I do?!
Calvin and Surfer Dude talk excitedly
The audience can't hear exactly what they're saying
Calvin's talking and gesturing in an animated fashion
Surfer Dude keeps smiling and bobbing his head
Surfer Dude grabs his surf board
He runs down the boardwalk
Calvin sits back, smiling
Calvin winces in pain
ACT II
SCENE 2
In front of Calvin's bench
Calvin rips a blank page from the fishing hook book
He takes his pen from his pocket and stares at it
He begins furiously scribbling notes on the ripped out page
CALVIN
(to the audience)
How do you spell 'electric'?
The audience tells him
Calvin writes it down
CALVIN
(to the audience)
How do you spell 'casino'?
The audience tells him
Calvin writes it down
If the audience gives him the wrong spelling, Calvin will glare for an exceedingly long period of time
Calvin writes for a very long time
He picks up his bottle of wine, but then sets it down
He picks up the Slurpee instead, and takes a sip
He continues writing
Surfer Dude reappears, soaking wet, carrying his surf board
He waves to Calvin
CALVIN
Did you get the electric surf CDs I wanted? Like I said, I'll pay you back!
SURFER DUDE
(hitting his forehead with the palm of his hand)
Oh, man, I FORGOT! I was headed there, but then I saw this HUMONGOUS wave and....awwww...I'm sorry, man.
(hangs his head in shame)
CALVIN
That's okay. You can get them in town. I've actually written down some instructions for you. They're here, on this piece of paper.
(hesitating)
Can you read?
SURFER DUDE
(looking stung, but proud)
OF COURSE I can read! I stayed back a whole grade just so I could master it! My teacher, Mrs. Stern, says that if I came to class more, I'd be a really good reader!
CALVIN
Mrs. Stern?
SURFER DUDE
Yeah, she's my English teacher.
CALVIN
She was my teacher too. I should have listened to her more.
SURFER DUDE
What a coincidence, man.
CALVIN
(handing him the piece of paper)
Okay, now hold onto this list and do everything it says. I'm counting on you...the shop owners here are counting on you...and the whole town is counting on you!
SURFER DUDE
I promise I won't let you down!
He takes off running down the boardwalk
He's clutching the piece of paper
BOARDWALK FADES
ACT II
SCENE 3
In Town
Lots of businesses and shops
Surfer Dude stands in the middle of town
He's reading the piece of paper intently, like a map
The Newspaper Building
Surfer Dude stands in front of a building
The sign says "Town Newspaper"
A man with a cap that says "EDITOR" on it walks by
SURFER DUDE
Excuse me, are you the newspaper editor?
EDITOR
Yes, I am.
(pointing to the word "EDITOR" on his hat)
Can't you read, son? What's up? Do you have a scoop for me?
Surfer Dude talks to him, but the audience can't hear
EDITOR
Wait right here!
Surfer Dude waits, reading his list
The editor comes out, carrying a stack of papers
EDITOR
Here, put these up all over town. Nail them to the telephone polls, put them on people's porches.
SURFER DUDE
Thanks, man!
EDITOR
Thanks for the scoop! I'll be over to interview Calvin at 5 pm.
The editor walks away
Surfer Dude leaves
The Church
The Surfer Dude walks over to the church
He sees a priest and a woman out front
He stops to eavesdrop
PRIEST
(to Destiny)
Why hello, it's nice to see you! What brings you here today...there's no mass today, of course!
DESTINY
I...I'm having a problem, Father.
I think...I'm...I'm falling for a man. A man who is wrong for me, and I should not be falling for him.
PRIEST
Why do you feel he's wrong for you?
DESTINY
My kids met him on the Boardwalk. They said he needed help. But when I went to help, he looked so much like...
PRIEST
So much like your ex-husband?
DESTINY
Yes, yes. Except...I overheard Em and Jimmy saying that he only looks the same on the outside. On the inside, they say he's kind and gentle and not the same at all as their father.
PRIEST
What do you think?
DESTINY
My husband was...stuck...and so is this man. But there seems to be something so...different...about him...
PRIEST
I know that God has given you a kind heart and wisdom. Use both of these gifts.
DESTINY
Yes, Father. Thank you.
PRIEST
I must be going now.
DESTINY
Yes, Father. Goodbye.
PRIEST
Goodbye...I know you'll make the right decision for you and the children.
Destiny nods.
Surfer Dude stops the priest, with Destiny looking on.
SURFER DUDE
Father, Father!
PRIEST
Yes, son, what can I do for you?
SURFER DUDE
You met a man named 'Calvin' on the Boardwalk this morning and he said that you're praying for him.
PRIEST
(appearing to be thinking hard)
Yes, he was drinking, and he had sinned. I have said a prayer for him today.
SURFER DUDE
Yes, well, he'd like you to come to the Boardwalk tonight at 5. He's found out that some developers are going to tear down the boardwalk to build a Casino Row and we need to stop them! We're inviting the whole town to come and protest and, well, he said we could use a little help from God!
PRIEST
Yes, absolutely! Tell him I'll be there!
SURFER DUDE
Thanks, Father!
Surfer Dude hands him a flyer
Surfer Dude runs off
The priest leaves
Destiny stands there, looking after them
DESTINY
(sings)
When I look at my reflection
I don't see perfection
I see the same rejection
I saw in his complexion
It makes me feel affection
Can it be that I
Feel a connection?
Can it be he shares
The same pain as me?
She looks down and closes her eyes
She opens her eyes and sees a flyer on the ground that Surfer Dude had dropped
She picks it up and reads it, nodding her head
Furniture Shop
Surfer Dude stops in front of a furniture shop
He looks up at the large sign: MARCIE THOMPSON'S LAP FURNITURE
Outside the shop are some sample chairs that look like a woman's lap (Imagine a woman seated. The calves and feet of the woman are the two front legs and feet of the chair, while the woman's knees and top of her thighs are the seat itself. The rest of the woman's body makes up the back of the chair.)
Surfer Dude sits down in a Lap Chair and smiles
A woman walks out of the shop
WOMAN
May I help you?
SURFER DUDE
These are COOL chairs!
WOMAN
Well, thank you! Ever since I made my first Lap Chair, they've been wildly popular!
SURFER DUDE
Oh, you're Marcie Thompson?
MARCIE THOMPSON
Yes, I am! What can I do for you?
SURFER DUDE
Calvin asked me to tell you that some developers are about to build a Casino Row and tear down the boardwalk. There's a rally tonight at five o'clock to protest it. He wants to know if you'll bring some chairs for the podium.
MARCIE THOMPSON
CALVIN?! You mean, Calvin Stewart?!
SURFER DUDE
(shrugs)
I don't know his last name.
(looks at his paper)
It says here that if you don't remember him, to remind you that he fell in your lap once in Mrs. Stern's class.
MARCIE THOMPSON
Yes, yes! I know Calvin! If it weren't for him falling into my lap, I might have gone to Medical School! Mrs. Stern always thought I should have gone....and maybe I should have.
SURFER DUDE
I don't know...making these chairs seems more fun than medical school to me!
MARCIE THOMPSON
Well, maybe I can have it ALL one day!
You tell Calvin that I'll be there with some chairs!
SURFER DUDE
Thank you, Ms. Thompson!
MARCIE THOMPSON
Have a nice day!
Marcie Thompson waves Surfer Dude off
He runs to his next destination
Doctor's Office
Surfer Dude stops in front of a small building.
The sign says "PSYCHIATRIST"
He walks inside
He's in the doctor's office
The Doctor is sitting on a Marcie Thompson Lap Chair
A middle-aged woman, very rich looking, is lying on a couch
The woman has an ice bag on her head
THE DOCTOR
Excuse me, young man, but you didn't knock! I'm in the middle of a session here.
SURFER DUDE
(rushing his words)
Oh, excuse me, Doc, but Calvin, you know, the guy who's hooked on the pier...he asked me to tell you that everything's going to be resolved tonight at 5, and if you want to help him save the town from having its boardwalk turned into Casino Row by a big developer, then he needs your help with his, um...hook problem...
WOMAN WITH ICE BAG
Did you say CALVIN?
(she sobs)
Doc, that's the name of my son...oh, my poor, poor baby, out there in the world somewhere and...oooohhhhhh! At least I still have his goldfish, and I place my cheek up to its bowl each night and it kisses me on my cheek, the way my son used to and...
(she starts wailing)
THE DOCTOR
(addressing the audience quizically)
Did she say, 'GOLDFISH'?" That sounds awfully familiar....
THE DOCTOR
(turning to Surfer Dude)
Well, thank you, young man. I will be over as soon as my, um, err, session here ends.
(he looks at his wailing patient)
Uh, it looks like it might last a little longer than I had first anticipated, but you tell him that I'll be there as soon as I can!
SURFER DUDE
Thanks, doc! He'll sure appreciate it!
THE DOCTOR
Yes, thank you, young man. And...well, shouldn't you be in school right now?...
But Surfer Dude has already taken off.
The School
Surfer Dude runs to the school
He's hiding behind a tree
Jimmy and Emma pass by
Surfer Dude looks at his notes
SURFER DUDE
Pssst, pssst! KIDS!
JIMMY
Yes?
SURFER DUDE
You know Calvin?
JIMMY
The man on the boardwalk? Yes, why?
SURFER DUDE
Calvin says that he's trying to save the town from a casino and he'd like you to come to the Boardwalk tonight -- and bring your mother.
JIMMY
Okay, we'll try! We have to ask our mother!
SURFER DUDE
Oh, could you do me a favor?
JIMMY
Sure.
SURFER DUDE
Could you also ask Mrs. Stern to come?
(sheepishly, staring nervously at the school building)
I'd do so myself, but then she'd see me and it's the middle of the school day and...
JIMMY
Sure!
SURFER DUDE
Thanks, kid!
Surfer Dude runs off
City Hall
Surfer Dude stands in front of a building
The sign says "City Hall"
A man with a black hat that says "MAYOR" on it walks out
SURFER DUDE
(grinning)
Are you the mayor?
THE MAYOR
(pointing to his hat and grinning)
Can't you read, son?
Surfer Dude and the Mayor talk in an animated fashion
At first, the audience can't hear what they're saying
The mayor looks increasingly upset by what he's hearing
Surfer Dude hands him a flyer
MAYOR
Thank you for bringing this to my attention. It sounds like this Calvin fellow is a real hero. He will sit up on the podium with me this evening.
SURFER DUDE
Yes...thanks...thanks...
MAYOR
(peering at him)
I assume you're heading back to school now, son.
Surfer Dude has already taken off
Police Station
Surfer Dude walks up to the police station
Officer Connelly comes out and talks to him
Surfer Dude hands him a flyer
The audience can't hear them talking
Surfer Dude hands him Calvin's wood-link necklace
Officer Connelly is smiling and nodding approval
He admires the necklace by holding it up
Surfer Dude takes off
Wendy's Hair Shop
Surfer Dude walks up to Wendy's Hairdressing Shop
Lots of young women who have hair just like Hairy Larry's are filing into the shop
Surfer Dude pokes his head in
A woman walks out
WOMAN
Can I help you, young man?
This shop is exclusively for women who have excessive hair.
SURFER DUDE
Are you Wendy?
WOMAN
Yes, that's me. What can I do for you?
SURFER DUDE
I have a message from...your brother. Calvin.
WENDY
Calvin!? I haven't seen him in a long time!
SURFER DUDE
He says to be at The Boardwalk at 5 tonight.
Surfer Dude hands her a flyer
As Wendy looks down at the flyer, Surfer Dude takes off
Around Town
Surfer Dude runs around the town frantically, passing out flyers and nailing them to poles
Townspeople are milling about
They're seeing the flyers and reading them
The people are getting angry
They are stopping others and handing them the flyers
THE TOWN SCENE FADES
ACT II
SCENE 4
In front of Calvin's bench
Calvin is sitting on his bench
The Groundskeeper shuffles by
He's pushing an imaginary broom
He spots Wallace and the Man with the Hardhat
He excitedly tiptoes dramatically over to Calvin
GROUNDSKEEPER
(finger to lips, and whispering)
Pssst. Pssst. Two of the men who want to build the casino -- they're HERE again!!
CALVIN
(also whispering)
Where? Where?
GROUNDSKEEPER
(pointing)
Right around the corner.
CALVIN
I've got a hook in my butt, and the fishing line is tangled in the bench and...long story, but I can't stand up. Can you help me move this bench closer, so I can listen in?
GROUNDSKEEPER
(nodding his head)
Sure.
(as an aside to the audience, he points to Calvin's wood-link necklace, almost completely finished)
I'll be darn. That's where my old broom went to!
The groundskeeper walks behind Calvin's bench
He starts lifting the bench
Calvin grabs onto the bottom seat of the bench, also lifting
Calvin stands up with the bench
They scoot across the stage in this manner, taking the bench with them
They place it down, just out of eye shot of Wallace and the Man with the Hardhat
Calvin and the Groundskeeper eavesdrop
MAN IN HARD HAT
(to Wallace)
Are you sure it's a wise idea to hold a ribbon-cutting ceremony tonight? I thought we wanted to keep this thing quiet.
WALLACE
It will be a small affair, but it's absolutely necessary. My investors are demanding we kick this off properly. They're superstitious. They believe that if there's no ribbon cutting, then the project will be jinxed from the start.
CALVIN
(whispering loudly to groundskeeper)
THAT'S MY FATHER!!
GROUNDSKEEPER
I'll be danged! I like his hard hat!
CALVIN
Not THAT man -- the OTHER man! The one in the suit!
GROUNDSKEEPER
Oh, I don't like his tie.
Calvin looks absolutely stunned
He tries to stand up, to run to him
The hook holds him back, forcing him back into his seat
He winces as he lands
Calvin sits there stunned, staring wide-eyed at the audience
The groundskeeper is shaking him, as though he's had a heart attack
Calvin sees his father rounding the corner, coming toward him
CALVIN
(bellowing)
FATHER!
Wallace sees Calvin
He is visibly stunned
WALLACE
(As an aside to the audience, he scratches his head)
I could have sworn that bench was a block away before.
WALLACE
(nervously)
Calvin! SON! What are YOU doing here?
CALVIN
(sits up and adjusts, apparently trying to hide the hook)
I'm, I'm....it doesn't matter what I'M doing here! What are YOU doing here?!
WALLACE
Oh, I'm just here on business, son.
CALVIN
I KNOW what you're up to! You're building a Casino Row on this VERY SPOT and you're going to tear down every store here, putting these fine store owners out of business! And you're even going to get rid of this very BENCH that I'm sitting on! And to THINK my very own father is behind all of this!
WALLACE
Don't you understand, Calvin? I'm going to completely revitalize this old, worn-down boardwalk, with its tired old shops. I'm going to breathe new life into this old fishing town, bring in tourists from around the state, around the country, around the world! You won't recognize this place when I'm done with it, son!
(Wallace is smiling proudly)
And...if you let me...I'll be able to get you a very good job at one of the new casinos! I know all the owners and they owe me some big favors! Nothing illegal of course, just some small favors...
CALVIN
It's WRONG, father! What you're doing is WRONG!
WALLACE
And who are YOU to tell ME that what I'm doing is wrong?! I've worked hard my whole life to give you everything you've ever needed, and all you've EVER done is throw it all away! You wouldn't take school seriously, and your mother STILL requires a weekly therapy session to get over the stress of that, and then you complained about everything, including the sweaters we bought you....
FEMALE SINGER
(from offstage, a woman's voice suddenly sings)
Don't make him wear the sweater....
CALVIN AND WALLACE
(both turning toward the voice and yelling)
SHUT UP!
WALLACE
(continuing)
...and then you just up and leave us, and all we're left with is a rumor that you've moved to Perrytown...and I know you've always loved being by the ocean, here in our town, so I thought maybe if the Boardwalk got fixed up, you might consider...returning...
CALVIN
(visibly shocked)
FATHER! You're destroying this boardwalk, this town, simply to get ME a job?!
WALLACE
(hanging his head)
What choice did I have, son? What choice DO I have?
CALVIN
Well, this is MY home and MY town and MY people, and MY bench, and I love it just the way it is! And I already have a plan in the works to stop you, Father!
WALLACE
(sings)
You'll understand when you have a son
How your work is never done
You'll dream that he'll become the man
That you could never be
You'll want to raise the heavens and moon
Feed him from a silver spoon
You'll want him to be so much more
Than you could ever be
Am I doing the right thing
How will I know
I'd help him become King
If he'd only let me know
To his own heart you'll say son be true
But deep down inside it's killing you
When you see him as the kind of man
You think yourself to be
You'll understand when you have a son
It hurts when he says you're no fun
When he sees you as the kind of man
He doesn't want to be
Am I doing the right thing
How will I know
I'd help him become King
If he'd only let me know
The scene fades to darkness
Calvin and Wallace both stare down at the ground
Both are wordless
ACT II
SCENE 5
The boardwalk is busy and bustling
The mayor is pacing around
Angry townsfolk are milling about
Some are carrying picket signs that say, "Stop Casino Row," "Save Our Town," "Go Home Developers," and "Calvin is Our Hero"
Calvin's bench is back in its original spot
Surfer Dude is next to Calvin, clutching the sheet of paper
SURFER DUDE
I did it, I did it! I did every single thing on your list!
CALVIN
That's GREAT! And did you get a new broom for the Groundskeeper?
SURFER DUDE
(slumping/deflated)
Oh, man! I forgot!
CALVIN
That's okay. I can get it, after my hook is out.
SURFER DUDE
Oh, the doctor said he's coming to take it out, just as soon as he finishes with this really wacky lady he had in his office.
CALVIN
Wacky lady?
SURFER DUDE
Yeah, she had an ice pack on her head and she said that she has a son named Calvin and something about a goldfish kissing her every night.
CALVIN
Oh, I see...
Calvin sees The Doctor approaching
He is carrying a medical bag
He stops in front of Calvin, smiling broadly
THE DOCTOR
(slapping Calvin on the back)
I'm sorry, pal -- I guess I got a little carried away before and didn't help you out with your predicament.
CALVIN
That's okay, Doc! I'm just happy you're here now!
THE DOCTOR
I've brought all my instruments, thanks to your friend here...
(pointing to Surfer Dude)
...and we should have the hook out in a minute. Errr...as long as there's no rust on it, you should be fine.
CALVIN
(nervously)
Uhh...what happens if there's rust?
THE DOCTOR
(dismissively waving his hand)
Oh, you know, blood poisoning, tetanus. You could be here one moment and...
(snapping his fingers)
...GONE the next! Heh, heh. But no, no, let's not think about that!
CALVIN
(wiping sweat from his brow)
Well, okay.
THE DOCTOR
(digging through his bag)
Ahhhh, here it is! This should work!
(he pulls out a large, scary-looking instrument)
CALVIN
Oh my...
Surfer Dude shuts his eyes tight
He places his hands over his ears
He turns away
SURFER DUDE
(loudly singing)
la la la la la la la
THE DOCTOR
As a psychiatrist, I firmly believe this hook is NOT going to come out, no matter how hard I pull, if you don't BELIEVE it's going to come out. Calvin, this is important. Do you BELIEVE that you can be finally freed of this...HOOK...that has been keeping you down...keeping you stuck in this one place?
CALVIN
Yes, doc, I finally DO believe. I truly do! I don't want to be stuck anymore in one place. I don't want to be kept down like this. I want to feel ALIVE again!
THE DOCTOR
That's very good, Calvin, that's very good. Now, while I remove this, you have to close your eyes and just BELIEVE.
CALVIN
I will, doc, I will. I mean...I do, doc, I do. I do believe that it's time for this hook to come out!
(to the audience)
Do you believe? I could use your help here!
THE DOCTOR
(leaning behind Calvin)
Okay, okay, looks like I've got it. When I count to three, I'll pull and you push...no, no, I mean, I'll pull and you...well, you just stay there....one, two, THREE!
Calvin yelps in pain
The doctor stands triumphantly, holding up The Hook!
It's a foot long
He holds it so the audience can see
He's looking at Calvin incredulously
He makes a big deal of studying it closely from every angle
THE DOCTOR
I'll be danged. There's not a bit of rust on this! Looks like we don't have to worry about tetanus! It's as shiny as a...brand new hook!
CALVIN
ALL RIGHT!!!!
He jumps to his feet
He stumbles, a little unsteady
CALVIN
(grabbing the doctor's hand and shaking it vigorously)
Thank you, thank you, thanks so much, doc! You've saved my LIFE! I'm sorry to run off, but I've got a lot of work to do!
THE DOCTOR
(placing the hook back on the bench)
Yes, I've heard...the whole town has heard...go, go, go...do what you have to do!
SURFER DUDE
(still covering his ears)
la la la la la la la
CALVIN
(shouting to Surfer Dude)
IT'S OVER!!! THE HOOK IS OUT!!!
Surfer Dude opens his eyes and takes his hands from his ears
He sees Calvin STANDING before him
He grins
SURFER DUDE
Hey, you're taller than I thought! The hook's out?
CALVIN
(sings)
It's out, it's out
The big ol' hook is out
Gonna do a dance and sing a song
It makes me want to shout
It's out, it's out
The big ol' hook is out
Gonna raise my hands and stomp my feet
I swear I had my doubts
But it's out baby
The big ol' hook is out
Gonna eat a pie and touch the sky
And take a different route
It's out, yippee it's out
The big ol' hook is out
The big ol' hook.....is out
Calvin and Surfer Dude run off
ACT II
SCENE 6
The stage transforms
The boardwalk is split into two camps
The Developers on one side, and The Townsfolk on the other side
Each side has a podium and speaking platform
The Developer's side has rows of spectator chairs, tables of fancy-looking food, and elegant-looking guests
The Town's side has a crowd of ordinary, angry people, standing with picket signs
The Mayor is up on the town's platform
A row of Marcie Thompson Lap Chairs are set up behind the podium
The Mayor is looking down upon the townspeople
Calvin makes his way up to the podium
The Mayor greets him with a handshake and hug
Suddenly, the wacky woman comes running up onto the podium
She's still holding the ice bag to her head
CALVIN
(shocked)
MOM!
CALVIN'S MOTHER
(hugging him)
Oh, Calvin, Calvin, my baby! I've MISSED YOU!
CALVIN
(hugging her back)
I've missed you too, mom. How's my goldfish?
CALVIN'S MOTHER
He's fine. He's so cute. He swims around all the time and I watch him for hours and every night he gives me a kiss and...
CALVIN
Okay, okay, mom. Look, I've got a problem. Can you help me?
CALVIN'S MOTHER
(removing her ice bag)
What is it?
CALVIN
It's dad. Have you seen the flyers about the boardwalk being torn down to build a Casino Row?
CALVIN'S MOTHER
Yes, I think that's a terrible thing...what a terrible waste of..
CALVIN
Well, dad's behind it. Dad is the developer! It's HIS project! He's doing it in the hopes that I'll get a good job at a casino through one of his rich friends!
CALVIN'S MOTHER
I'll KILL Wallace!
CALVIN
No, mom...I just need you to STOP him. Can you DO that?
CALVIN'S MOTHER
Of course I can stop him!
CALVIN
(hugs her)
Thanks, mom!
Calvin's Mother charges off
The spotlight turns to Wallace
He's standing off to the side
He's whispering into a cell phone
WALLACE
Yes, that's right, Perry. Yes, yes, please come immediately to the boardwalk. Yes, yes, I know you didn't want to attend the ribbon-cutting, but you are going to find this very interesting. You must be here! Please come -- NOW!
Wallace ends the call
He places the cell phone neatly into his breast pocket
Suddenly, through the crowd, we see Calvin's mother
She's running crazily toward Wallace
She's holding the ice pack to her head
When she reaches Wallace, she faints into his arms
Wallace revives her
WALLACE
Dear, dear, now what has gotten you so upset? You heard about our son, didn't you? You heard about Calvin!
CALVIN'S MOTHER
(reviving)
Yes, and I just spoke to him, Wallace! He's told me that you're the developer behind all of this and he wants you to STOP! And I want you to STOP! You've already driven our son away once, and I refuse to let you drive him away again!
WALLACE
(hanging his head)
Yes, dear, it's true. I thought it was the right thing to do. But I see now, it wasn't right. I'm trying to make things right. You'll see, in a few minutes...
They're interrupted by the Mayor's speech
They turn to watch
The Mayor begins his speech
At the same time, Wallace is listening
He keeps looking at his watch and glancing around
MAYOR
Ladies and Gentlemen! We all know why we are gathered here today! Right under my nose, right under ALL of our noses, developers have received state permits to knock down our boardwalk, and demolish all of the businesses here! And for what?! To build a Casino Row!
(the audience starts booing and hissing and waving their fists, their signs bobbing up and down!)
MAYOR
(satisfied and continuing)
This was brought today to my attention by one of our most upstanding---errrr...well...one of our citizens, Calvin...
(he stops and turns, whispering to Calvin)
What's your last name?
CALVIN
(whispers)
Stewart. Calvin Stewart.
MAYOR
(making a sweeping gesture toward Calvin)
Calvin Stewart!
Embarrassed, Calvin stands up
He takes a half-bow and then sits back down again
He winces, as though he's still sore
MAYOR
I have all my lawyers working on this now, as I speak. We are trying to determine any legal recourse we have in this matter!
The crowd cheers and goes wild
Calvin looks down into the audience
Jimmy and Emma and Destiny are there
Susan is there, glaring at him
Wendy's there, looking bewildered, a pair of scissors in her hand
Marcie Thompson is there, sitting in a Lap Chair
Even Hairy Larry is there, with her two young, hairy daughters, and her husband, who's completely bald
Officer Connelly is there with his wife, who's wearing the wood-link necklace
The Shopkeeper walks up to them
SHOPKEEPER
(to Mrs. Connelly)
Where did you get that stunning wood-link necklace?
(he leans in to look at it)
It's very unique and quite beautiful
(aside to the audience, looking bewildered)
Hmmmm...that wood looks AWFULLY familiar for some reason...
SHOPKEEPER
(to Mrs. Connelly)
May I feel the wood?
MRS. CONNELLY
(taking the necklace off)
Why certainly!
SHOPKEEPER
(holding the necklace like a broom handle he says, as an aside to the audience)
It FEELS so familiar too!
MRS. CONNELLY
(taking the necklace back and putting it around her neck)
My husband just gave it to me today, as an anniversary present!
OFFICER CONNELLY
(pointing to Calvin up on the podium)
Yes, it was hand-whittled by that man right up there!
SHOPKEEPER
(squinting)
My he looks familiar...
Well, thank you very much.
Enjoy your necklace.
He walks away.
Nearby, Wallace is in the shadows
Perry appears
Wallace waves him down impatiently
Wallace and Perry are deep in conversation
Calvin walks to the microphone
The crowd begins cheering wildly
CALVIN
Ladies and Gentlemen. I love this town, and this boardwalk. I know we all do.
(wiping a tear from his eye)
When I heard that it was all going to be torn down to build a Casino Row, I knew I had to do something. I've never been very good at doing something in my life, and I've made an awful lot of mistakes....
(he looks down at Mrs. Stern, who is beaming up at him)
...but...there comes a time when a man has to show up to be counted, so I'm showing up now! A man has to stand up for something, or he's not a man!
(looking down)
My father taught me that, back when he used to believe it.
Wallace looks over at Calvin.
CALVIN
(continuing)
But I think that somewhere along the way, my father got lost, and I am here to tell you that I found out this afternoon that my father is the man responsible for the planned destruction of this boardwalk! He's the man who's planning to build Casino Row! My very own father!
The crowd gasps
Calvin stands there, hanging his head
The lights dim and the mayor's podium goes dark
The spotlight turns to the other side of the stage-- the side with the ribbon-cutting ceremony
ACT II
SCENE 7
On the podium
Wallace walks up the podium steps
He takes his place in front of the microphone
The attendees are all seated, clapping politely
Slowly, the lights go up on the Mayor's side of the stage
The townspeople turn to face the ribbon-cutting ceremony
Now everyone, including Calvin, is watching
WALLACE
Ladies and Gentleman! I invited you here tonight to celebrate the groundbreaking of a brand new Casino Row! The plan was to replace this old pier and boardwalk and revitalize this whole town!
(the seated attendees clap, while the townspeople boo and hiss)
I truly believed that this would be the best thing that could happen to this old town, as it would bring new jobs and economic prosperity!
(they clap again; the townspeople boo and hiss)
But, as well as being a businessman, I am also a father. Calvin is my son. He left home when he was 19, and he has been wasting his life away, fishing and drinking! I know that Calvin loves this town and this boardwalk. I thought that if I could start fresh with a Casino Row, offering job opportunities for Calvin and others, then maybe that would encourage Calvin to start off on a fresh foot too.
Calvin is visibly shaken
WALLACE
(continuing)
But what I didn't count on was....Calvin's love for this boardwalk, for this pier, for this bench...for these people...
(he wipes a tear away with his sleeve)
...and so, I would like to introduce an old business associate of mine. His name is Perry Hawkins.
Perry stands and takes a bow
The audience claps
WALLACE
(continuing)
When we were getting state permits to build Casino Row, Perry and I were competing for the contract. I won the right to build Casino Row in this town.
Calvin is moving toward the stage
Tears are in his eyes
Wallace is looking at Calvin
WALLACE
(continuing)
But I've been speaking with Perry today, and he is still interested in building Casino Row in HIS town of Perrytown. It's 100 miles north of here, and he has the backing of his mayor and town residents.
The crowd gasps
WALLACE
(taking a deep breath)
So, I am officially relinquishing my rights to Casino Row in this town. And, if state officials give their approval, then Perry will build Casino Row in Perrytown!
The crowd goes absolutely WILD!!
Susan looks shocked
Calvin steps up onstage with his father
He walks up to the microphone
The crowd calms down to listen to Calvin
CALVIN
(wiping away more tears)
Thank you, Father. I know that I have been a disappointment to you, but I have also disappointed myself. But, starting today, I am going to work on realizing my dream of being an electric surf music deejay, and I WILL turn my life around!
(turning to his father)
You'll see, dad. You'll see.
(turning to the audience)
NOW, LET'S PARTY!!!
Suddenly, Surfer Dude appears with huge speakers
He sets them up
He's got a huge stack of CDs
He puts in a CD
The music starts playing -- it's "Puttin' on the Ritz"
Surfer Dude is smiling proudly!
RANDOM TEENAGER
(to his group of friends)
COOL! Is this a new band?
ANOTHER RANDOM TEENAGER
I think it is! Our parents are going to HATE it!
Everyone gets up and starts dancing and partying
Calvin takes over as deejay and puts on more music
The signs are thrown into the air
Everyone is jolly
Calvin and his dad shake hands
They hug
Calvin's mother faints
ACT II
SCENE 8
On the boardwalk
Susan makes her her way through the crowd
SUSAN
(hugging Calvin)
Honey, I'm so glad you and your daddy made up! We're sure gonna live a good life, you and me!
CALVIN
I'm not taking money from my father, Susan. I'm going to start a good career as a surf music deejay. I've already got some business ideas and...
SUSAN
(pulling away)
A DEEJAY? Your father is RICH, and you're not going to take money from your father -- money that is rightfully yours, by BLOOD?!
She turns to leave
She runs smack dab into Perry
Perry's eyes nearly pop out of his head as he looks down into her low-cut blouse
He turns to the audience and waggles his tongue
SUSAN
Why Mr. Hawkins, fancy seeing you again! I HAVE read all about you in the High Society pages of the newspaper! You're much more handsome than your pictures, though! And I DO love that Perry Como sweater you're wearing!
PERRY
And I sure LOOOVE EVERYTHING about you!
Susan blushes
Perry puts his arm out
She hooks her arm in his as she giggles
Suddenly, the six Perry Como sweater girls appear
THE GIRLS
(sing)
Don't make him wear the sweater
The girls run to Perry
They surround him and try to remove his sweater
PERRY
What? My sweater? No, no, I want my sweater!
SUSAN
(to the girls)
Leave him alone! He wants his sweater!
THE GIRLS
(sing)
Don't make him wear the sweater
The girls drag Perry off-stage
They are clawing at Perry's sweater, while singing
Susan starts fighting with the girls
They continue to wrestle as they leave the stage
ACT II
SCENE 9
On the boardwalk
From the sidelines, Jimmy, Emma and Destiny are watching
Calvin looks up, surprised to see them
He looks embarrassed
CALVIN
Oh, I'm sorry you had to witness that.
DESTINY
What? The sweater? Perry Como sweaters are the worst. They should let those girls have it.
CALVIN
No, no, I mean...me and my father.
DESTINY
Oh, your father...that's a very brave thing you just did. My kids told me you are a fine and honorable man, and now...now I believe them.
They both look love struck.
CALVIN
Do you like surf music?
DESTINY
(belting this out, very animated, completely out of character)
DO I LIKE SURF MUSIC? I like to close my eyes and float away to Surfer Girl and The Lonely Sea then I like to listen to, Pipeline, Wipe Out and the wildest song of all.......Surfin Bird!!!!
She stops, looking embarrassed
CALVIN
WOW -- well, those are MY favorites too!
(to audience)
She's singing the same song as me!
CALVIN AND DESTINY
(singing together)
It's alive
It sings
It pulls at my heart strings
It's love
It's love
Like love birds in the same tree
That's how love feels to me
It rises
It floats
Like a musical note
It's love
It's love
Like love birds in harmony
She sings the same song as me
It's love
It's love
It's magic
It's here
It won't disappear
It's love, It's love
It's love, It's love
I've come to the conclusion
It's more than an illusion
It's love, It's love
It's love, It's love
CALVIN
Wait a minute!
He changes the CD to a slow number
He puts out his hand, and she takes it
They begin to dance
Except for the music, the whole stage becomes quiet
All eyes are on them
CALVIN AND DESTINY
(sing)
When I look at my reflection
I don't see perfection
But in your eyes I feel a connection
Can it be that you share the same pain as me?
They embrace
ACT II
SCENE 10
On the boardwalk
SURFER DUDE
(grinning and tapping on Calvin's shoulder,
interrupting the embrace)
It's cool the way everything's all worked out, dude. You're, like, my hero! When I grow up, I want to be just like you!
CALVIN
(grinning and slapping Surfer Dude on the back)
Hey, man, I can't thank you enough for all you've done. I couldn't have done ANY of this without you! You're a real friend.
SURFER DUDE
Hey, man, I saw there were some big waves. I'll see you around...
Suddenly, Mrs. Stern appears
As Surfer Dude is running off, she grabs him by the ear
MRS. STERN
(holding onto his ear)
And where were YOU today, young man?! Today was a SCHOOL day!
SURFER DUDE
Yeah, I...I was sure sorry to miss school today! I'll be there tomorrow...
MRS. STERN
(releasing his ear)
I have checked my calendar. You have missed 10 days of school this year! And I just had a LONG talk with your father! He and I have both agreed that you shall stay after school each and every day until you've made those 10 days up!
SURFER DUDE
(gulping weakly)
But, but...what about the waves and my surfing and...
MRS. STERN
There's PLENTY of time for that in the summer -- IF you work hard and don't need to attend my Summer School courses!
SURFER DUDE
(looking to Calvin for help)
But, but...
CALVIN
(smiling)
I should have listened to Mrs. Stern when I was your age, and by now, I might have owned my own surf music recording studio!
Calvin and Mrs. Stern start singing and dancing
CALVIN
(sings)
If only I had known
I'd have gone to school to learn
Done all I could
To get An A from Mrs. Stern
MRS. STERN
(sings)
If only he had known
If only he had known
CALVIN
(sings)
If only I had known
I would not have fooled around
Made my father proud
Shared common ground
MRS. STERN
(sings)
If only he had known
If only he had known
CALVIN
(sings)
If only....
MRS. STERN
(sings)
If only....
CALVIN
(sings)
If only...
MRS. STERN
(sings)
He had known...
CALVIN
(sings)
If only I had known
I'd have studied every night
Listened in class
And I might have been polite
MRS. STERN
(sings)
If only he had known
If only he had known
CALVIN
(sings)
If only I had known'
I'd have learned me some French
Mastered higher math
Avoided the bench
MRS. STERN
(sings)
If only he had known
If only he had known
CALVIN
(sings)
If only....
MRS. STERN
(sings)
If only....
CALVIN
(sings)
If only...
MRS. STERN
(sings)
He had known...
CALVIN & MRS. STERN
(looking at each other and shaking their heads)
Naaaaahhhh...
CALVIN
(sings)
If only....
MRS. STERN
(sings)
If only....
CALVIN
(sings)
If only...
MRS. STERN
(sings)
He had known...
They stop singing
They're breathless
MRS. STERN
(nodding approvingly at Calvin)
Deep down, I always thought you'd make something of yourself some day, Calvin Stewart.
Mrs. Stern grabs hold of Surfer Dude's ear
MRS. STERN
(to Surfer Dude)
Come with me, young man! We're going to school now!
They disappear down the boardwalk together
ACT II
SCENE 11
On the boardwalk
Marcie Thompson is dragging a Lap Chair from the podium
Calvin runs over to assist her
MARCIE THOMPSON
Calvin, I've been trying to contact you for a long time. Have you received my letters?
CALVIN
If you've been sending them to my parent's house, I haven't gotten them. I haven't been home for years.
MARCIE THOMPSON
Well, I was so glad when your friend came into my shop, and alerted me about how to find you. I have been wanting to make you a partner in my furniture business.
CALVIN
ME? WHY ME?
MARCIE THOMPSON
Well, we know it was an accident when you fell into my lap that day in Mrs. Stern's class...
CALVIN
Yeah, I really didn't mean to do that, Marcie. I had my headphones on and I was listening to my electric surf music, and I didn't want Mrs. Stern to catch me with them on, and then I tripped and fell....
MARCIE THOMPSON
That's all water under the bridge, Calvin. It turns out that's the best thing that ever happened to me in my life! You know how it turned into a big joke with all the kids, and at first I was embarrassed, but I thought it was funny, too. And, it was you who said that my lap was so comfortable it should be a chair! And well, now I have the most successful novelty furniture business in the country, and I'm very wealthy!
CALVIN
Well, what do you need ME for, Marcie?
MARCIE THOMPSON
None of my success could have happened without you, Calvin. And I'd like you to share in the success that you helped to create.
CALVIN
But well...I'm flattered...but my dream is to pursue electric surf music and become a dee-jay, not to go into the furniture business.
MARCIE THOMPSON
And that works fine for me, Calvin. I want to pursue medical school like Mrs. Stern always thought I should. If we work together running the business, then perhaps we can both pursue our other dreams!
CALVIN
Well, let me think about that, Marcie. Hey -- maybe we can create an Electric Surf Music sofa...I've got ideas...
MARCIE THOMPSON
An Electric Surf Music Sofa?! That's BRILLIANT, Calvin!
CALVIN
(blushing)
Thank you, Marcie.
MARCIE THOMPSON
Please stop by the shop, Calvin, and we can talk about our options some more.
CALVIN
Will do. Thanks.
MARCIE THOMPSON
(looking at her watch)
I've got to get back to the shop. See you later, Calvin.
CALVIN
Goodbye, Marcie!
MARCIE THOMPSON
Oh, by the way...I already have some help, so that might free up our time. Since the business started, my office manager has kept everything straight. I don't know what I'd do without her. She lives in town and she has two kids and the poor kids lost their father a few years ago when he walked out on them, but sometimes she brings them to the store to help.
CALVIN
A mother and two kids?
MARCIE THOMPSON
(interrupting)
Yes, a boy and a girl. Her name is 'Destiny.' I think you'll like her. I've gotta run.
Marcie leaves
CALVIN
Oh...'Destiny.' That does make sense.
ACT II
SCENE 12
On the boardwalk
Calvin turns around and nearly runs into the Shopkeeper
He is startled
SHOPKEEPER
You are Calvin, correct?
CALVIN
Well...yes...
SHOPKEEPER
You look awfully familiar, but I just can't place where we've met.
CALVIN
I...I don't think we've ever met.
SHOPKEEPER
No matter. I have a business proposition for you.
CALVIN
For ME?
SHOPKEEPER
Yes, I was speaking with Officer Connelly and his wife, and they told me that you made that stunning wood-link necklace that Mrs. Connelly is wearing. Is that correct?
CALVIN
Yeah, yes...
SHOPKEEPER
Well, I'd like to place a very large order for those necklaces. I'd like to sell them in my shop. I will offer you a fair price.
CALVIN
You want to SELL my necklaces?
SHOPKEEPER
Yes, yes. I've never seen anything like them before!
CALVIN
Well, I'm pursuing my dream of being a surf music deejay, but...
SHOPKEEPER
If these necklaces sell like I think they will, you could make a VERY comfortable living on these necklaces and pursue that...
(making a distasteful face)
...that surf music deejay thing on the side.
CALVIN
How about I stop by your shop tomorrow to discuss this?
SHOPKEEPER
That's fine. Fine.
(hesitating)
By the way, what DO you see in that surf music anyway? Now, that Surfer Dude kid has good taste...you could learn a thing or two about good music from him!
The Shopkeeper walks away, singing, "Puttin' on the Ritz."
Calvin smiles.
ACT II
SCENE 13
On the boardwalk
The mayor approaches Calvin
They shake hands
MAYOR
I wanted to thank you again for saving our Boardwalk.
CALVIN
You're welcome, Mr. Mayor, but...I'm just sorry it was my father that...
MAYOR
All water under the bridge. In my opinion, what you did shows even more strength of character. It's never easy to go up against your own father. I was impressed. Yes, very impressed, young man.
CALVIN
Well, gosh, thank you.
MAYOR
My second term for Mayor is up next year, and a mayor in this town can only have two terms. I'll be running for the state senate seat next year.
CALVIN
Well, congratulations!
MAYOR
Thank you. But I care about this town and I want to make sure it remains in good, capable hands.
CALVIN
Gee, me too. I hope we can vote in the right person.
MAYOR
That's what I'm here to talk to you about. I think that YOU are the right person! You've demonstrated that you've got strength of character. And that's the main qualification for the job of mayor!
CALVIN
Well, I've never heard of a mayor who's a surf music deejay, so I can't imagine...
MAYOR
Mr. Stewart! I know that you're more than your surf music! I know that for a fact. You turned my son on to one of the musical greats, Irving Berlin, and you've got him going back to school, wanting to be serious about it now.
CALVIN
(shocked)
WHAT?! Are you saying that Surfer Dude is...is your SON?!!!
MAYOR
Yes, he's my son. Up until now, I hate to admit that he's been a bit of an embarrassment to the office of the mayor but...with your help...I can already see a big change in him.
CALVIN
Well, gosh...I'm glad I could help, but he was already a good kid.
MAYOR
(smiling)
Yes, he is a good kid. And you've helped to make him better. So, can you stop by my office next week to discuss your future in politics?
CALVIN
Sure, sure. I'll call your office...and make an appointment, Mr. Mayor.
MAYOR
Good show! Thank you again, Calvin.
CALVIN
Thank YOU, Mr. Mayor
The Mayor walks away
Calvin looks dumbfounded
ACT II
SCENE 14
On the boardwalk
It's now early morning
The party has finally ended
The last of the townspeople are leaving
Calvin, Destiny, Jimmy and Emma are among the only ones left
The Groundskeeper is there too
CALVIN
(to Groundskeeper)
Here, I got you a new broom. I'm sorry -- I whittled your other one away.
GROUNDSKEEPER
(winking)
It'll look real pretty around your girl's neck!
CALVIN
(winking back)
That's my plan.
The Groundskeeper shuffles off, sweeping and doing a little jig
He's singing "Puttin' on the Ritz"
CALVIN
(to Destiny)
I have something for you.
He pulls out the wood-link necklace and places it around her neck.
DESTINY
Thank you...it's, it's...beautiful!
They kiss
The kids turn to each other, making "yuck" faces
DESTINY
I have to get the kids to school. They should be exhausted, but they couldn't sleep right now if I paid them! Can you come over to have breakfast with us?
CALVIN
Yes. You go first. I'll finish cleaning up and I'll be there shortly.
Destiny, Jimmy and Emma walk away
Calvin looks around and smiles
He sits down on the bench -- on the gigantic hook!
He winces in pain
He's stuck again and struggles to free himself
Suddenly, Jimmy appears
CALVIN
Jimmy, I'm stuck again!
JIMMY
Don't worry!
Jimmy picks up the fish hook book and flips through it
He reaches behind Calvin, and removes the hook
Excitedly, he grabs Calvin's arm and pulls him up
JIMMY
C'MON, DAD!
Calvin looks shocked
Jimmy looks embarrassed
Calvin grabs him and hugs him
They begin walking together
CALVIN
Did I ever tell you about how I almost became a famous soccer player?
They head down the boardwalk, talking and laughing
The hook is still lying on the bench, along with the bottle of wine
AFTER THE LAST ENCORE
The audience has finished clapping
They're getting ready to go
The lights go up
The Groundskeeper walks in
He's sweeping up the stage with his broom
GROUNDSKEEPER
(to audience)
Well, goodnight, folks. I've got a big mess to clean up. Sure do.
He sees the wine sitting on the bench
He picks it up
He sits down
On the hook
He's now HOOKED
GROUNDSKEEPER
(to audience, as they file out)
Hey -- I'm stuck.
Hello, hello, can someone give me a hand?
(now belligerent and glaring)
I guess maybe you're glad it's me sitting here on a fishing hook, and not you...
The song "HOOKED" begins to play
THE END
SCENE 1
In front of Calvin's bench
Surfer Dude comes up the boardwalk
He's soaking wet and carrying his surfboard
Calvin waves to him
Calvin takes the IPOD earphones out
CALVIN
(yelling)
You left your iPOD here! I hope you don't mind that I was listening to it while you were gone!
SURFER DUDE
No problem, man! Thanks for watching out for it!
CALVIN
You have a GREAT selection of electric surf music here -- you've got good taste!
SURFER DUDE
Who do you like?
CALVIN
Well, I like to close my eyes and float away to Surfer Girl and The Lonely Sea then I like to listen to, Pipeline, Wipe Out and the wildest song of all.......Surfin Bird!
SURFER DUDE
(eyes closed)
Yeah, Surfin Bird! Wild.
(opening his eyes)
Thanks, man. You're cool. And I haven't forgotten about that Berlin dude either!
(Surfer Dude hesitates)
Hey...are you sitting on a fishing hook?
CALVIN
(wincing)
Yes. I'm stuck here.
Calvin tries to lift his bottom, groaning as he does so
He plops back down
He winces again
CALVIN
Would you mind helping me get it out?
SURFER DUDE
(shielding his eyes, as if he's being blinded)
No way, man. I can't go THERE.
He plops down next to Calvin
SURFER DUDE
That's a real bummer you're stuck like that. How did it happen?
CALVIN
Well, I left my father's home to make it on my own out in the world. I've always wanted to be a dee jay and play electric surf music.
(hanging his head, looking ashamed)
One thing has led to another and I guess I found it a lot easier to sit around and drink and fish...and it caught up with me.
SURFER DUDE
Hey, your life's not OVER man! You CAN do things different! How can I help?!
(sheepishly, pointing to Calvin's hook)
Well, ummm, other than THAT!
CALVIN
(excitedly)
I've been thinking about a plan! A plan to get my life back together! A plan to get this hook out of my butt! A plan to play electric surf music and be a dee jay! A plan to show my father! A plan to...a plan to SAVE this boardwalk, and all of the businesses on it, from being torn down and made into a casino!
SURFER DUDE
(shocked)
What do you mean, being torn down? WHAT CASINO!!? My dad never said anything about...
CALVIN
Your dad? How would he know?
SURFER DUDE
Oh, my dad just knows a lot.
CALVIN
The old man who pushes a broom around here told me that he overheard developers talking about how they have permits to tear all of this...
(gesturing behind him)
...down and build a casino.
SURFER DUDE
Will they take the ocean too?
CALVIN
(shaking his head)
No, not even they can do that.
SURFER DUDE
WHEW!
But they'll take my surf shop?
CALVIN
Yes, all the shops will go.
SURFER DUDE
(head in his hands)
Oh man. Oh man. Oh man.
CALVIN
Are you willing to help me? Are you willing to save our town?
SURFER DUDE
(bobbing his head)
Of course I am, man. Count me in. What can I do?!
Calvin and Surfer Dude talk excitedly
The audience can't hear exactly what they're saying
Calvin's talking and gesturing in an animated fashion
Surfer Dude keeps smiling and bobbing his head
Surfer Dude grabs his surf board
He runs down the boardwalk
Calvin sits back, smiling
Calvin winces in pain
ACT II
SCENE 2
In front of Calvin's bench
Calvin rips a blank page from the fishing hook book
He takes his pen from his pocket and stares at it
He begins furiously scribbling notes on the ripped out page
CALVIN
(to the audience)
How do you spell 'electric'?
The audience tells him
Calvin writes it down
CALVIN
(to the audience)
How do you spell 'casino'?
The audience tells him
Calvin writes it down
If the audience gives him the wrong spelling, Calvin will glare for an exceedingly long period of time
Calvin writes for a very long time
He picks up his bottle of wine, but then sets it down
He picks up the Slurpee instead, and takes a sip
He continues writing
Surfer Dude reappears, soaking wet, carrying his surf board
He waves to Calvin
CALVIN
Did you get the electric surf CDs I wanted? Like I said, I'll pay you back!
SURFER DUDE
(hitting his forehead with the palm of his hand)
Oh, man, I FORGOT! I was headed there, but then I saw this HUMONGOUS wave and....awwww...I'm sorry, man.
(hangs his head in shame)
CALVIN
That's okay. You can get them in town. I've actually written down some instructions for you. They're here, on this piece of paper.
(hesitating)
Can you read?
SURFER DUDE
(looking stung, but proud)
OF COURSE I can read! I stayed back a whole grade just so I could master it! My teacher, Mrs. Stern, says that if I came to class more, I'd be a really good reader!
CALVIN
Mrs. Stern?
SURFER DUDE
Yeah, she's my English teacher.
CALVIN
She was my teacher too. I should have listened to her more.
SURFER DUDE
What a coincidence, man.
CALVIN
(handing him the piece of paper)
Okay, now hold onto this list and do everything it says. I'm counting on you...the shop owners here are counting on you...and the whole town is counting on you!
SURFER DUDE
I promise I won't let you down!
He takes off running down the boardwalk
He's clutching the piece of paper
BOARDWALK FADES
ACT II
SCENE 3
In Town
Lots of businesses and shops
Surfer Dude stands in the middle of town
He's reading the piece of paper intently, like a map
The Newspaper Building
Surfer Dude stands in front of a building
The sign says "Town Newspaper"
A man with a cap that says "EDITOR" on it walks by
SURFER DUDE
Excuse me, are you the newspaper editor?
EDITOR
Yes, I am.
(pointing to the word "EDITOR" on his hat)
Can't you read, son? What's up? Do you have a scoop for me?
Surfer Dude talks to him, but the audience can't hear
EDITOR
Wait right here!
Surfer Dude waits, reading his list
The editor comes out, carrying a stack of papers
EDITOR
Here, put these up all over town. Nail them to the telephone polls, put them on people's porches.
SURFER DUDE
Thanks, man!
EDITOR
Thanks for the scoop! I'll be over to interview Calvin at 5 pm.
The editor walks away
Surfer Dude leaves
The Church
The Surfer Dude walks over to the church
He sees a priest and a woman out front
He stops to eavesdrop
PRIEST
(to Destiny)
Why hello, it's nice to see you! What brings you here today...there's no mass today, of course!
DESTINY
I...I'm having a problem, Father.
I think...I'm...I'm falling for a man. A man who is wrong for me, and I should not be falling for him.
PRIEST
Why do you feel he's wrong for you?
DESTINY
My kids met him on the Boardwalk. They said he needed help. But when I went to help, he looked so much like...
PRIEST
So much like your ex-husband?
DESTINY
Yes, yes. Except...I overheard Em and Jimmy saying that he only looks the same on the outside. On the inside, they say he's kind and gentle and not the same at all as their father.
PRIEST
What do you think?
DESTINY
My husband was...stuck...and so is this man. But there seems to be something so...different...about him...
PRIEST
I know that God has given you a kind heart and wisdom. Use both of these gifts.
DESTINY
Yes, Father. Thank you.
PRIEST
I must be going now.
DESTINY
Yes, Father. Goodbye.
PRIEST
Goodbye...I know you'll make the right decision for you and the children.
Destiny nods.
Surfer Dude stops the priest, with Destiny looking on.
SURFER DUDE
Father, Father!
PRIEST
Yes, son, what can I do for you?
SURFER DUDE
You met a man named 'Calvin' on the Boardwalk this morning and he said that you're praying for him.
PRIEST
(appearing to be thinking hard)
Yes, he was drinking, and he had sinned. I have said a prayer for him today.
SURFER DUDE
Yes, well, he'd like you to come to the Boardwalk tonight at 5. He's found out that some developers are going to tear down the boardwalk to build a Casino Row and we need to stop them! We're inviting the whole town to come and protest and, well, he said we could use a little help from God!
PRIEST
Yes, absolutely! Tell him I'll be there!
SURFER DUDE
Thanks, Father!
Surfer Dude hands him a flyer
Surfer Dude runs off
The priest leaves
Destiny stands there, looking after them
DESTINY
(sings)
When I look at my reflection
I don't see perfection
I see the same rejection
I saw in his complexion
It makes me feel affection
Can it be that I
Feel a connection?
Can it be he shares
The same pain as me?
She looks down and closes her eyes
She opens her eyes and sees a flyer on the ground that Surfer Dude had dropped
She picks it up and reads it, nodding her head
Furniture Shop
Surfer Dude stops in front of a furniture shop
He looks up at the large sign: MARCIE THOMPSON'S LAP FURNITURE
Outside the shop are some sample chairs that look like a woman's lap (Imagine a woman seated. The calves and feet of the woman are the two front legs and feet of the chair, while the woman's knees and top of her thighs are the seat itself. The rest of the woman's body makes up the back of the chair.)
Surfer Dude sits down in a Lap Chair and smiles
A woman walks out of the shop
WOMAN
May I help you?
SURFER DUDE
These are COOL chairs!
WOMAN
Well, thank you! Ever since I made my first Lap Chair, they've been wildly popular!
SURFER DUDE
Oh, you're Marcie Thompson?
MARCIE THOMPSON
Yes, I am! What can I do for you?
SURFER DUDE
Calvin asked me to tell you that some developers are about to build a Casino Row and tear down the boardwalk. There's a rally tonight at five o'clock to protest it. He wants to know if you'll bring some chairs for the podium.
MARCIE THOMPSON
CALVIN?! You mean, Calvin Stewart?!
SURFER DUDE
(shrugs)
I don't know his last name.
(looks at his paper)
It says here that if you don't remember him, to remind you that he fell in your lap once in Mrs. Stern's class.
MARCIE THOMPSON
Yes, yes! I know Calvin! If it weren't for him falling into my lap, I might have gone to Medical School! Mrs. Stern always thought I should have gone....and maybe I should have.
SURFER DUDE
I don't know...making these chairs seems more fun than medical school to me!
MARCIE THOMPSON
Well, maybe I can have it ALL one day!
You tell Calvin that I'll be there with some chairs!
SURFER DUDE
Thank you, Ms. Thompson!
MARCIE THOMPSON
Have a nice day!
Marcie Thompson waves Surfer Dude off
He runs to his next destination
Doctor's Office
Surfer Dude stops in front of a small building.
The sign says "PSYCHIATRIST"
He walks inside
He's in the doctor's office
The Doctor is sitting on a Marcie Thompson Lap Chair
A middle-aged woman, very rich looking, is lying on a couch
The woman has an ice bag on her head
THE DOCTOR
Excuse me, young man, but you didn't knock! I'm in the middle of a session here.
SURFER DUDE
(rushing his words)
Oh, excuse me, Doc, but Calvin, you know, the guy who's hooked on the pier...he asked me to tell you that everything's going to be resolved tonight at 5, and if you want to help him save the town from having its boardwalk turned into Casino Row by a big developer, then he needs your help with his, um...hook problem...
WOMAN WITH ICE BAG
Did you say CALVIN?
(she sobs)
Doc, that's the name of my son...oh, my poor, poor baby, out there in the world somewhere and...oooohhhhhh! At least I still have his goldfish, and I place my cheek up to its bowl each night and it kisses me on my cheek, the way my son used to and...
(she starts wailing)
THE DOCTOR
(addressing the audience quizically)
Did she say, 'GOLDFISH'?" That sounds awfully familiar....
THE DOCTOR
(turning to Surfer Dude)
Well, thank you, young man. I will be over as soon as my, um, err, session here ends.
(he looks at his wailing patient)
Uh, it looks like it might last a little longer than I had first anticipated, but you tell him that I'll be there as soon as I can!
SURFER DUDE
Thanks, doc! He'll sure appreciate it!
THE DOCTOR
Yes, thank you, young man. And...well, shouldn't you be in school right now?...
But Surfer Dude has already taken off.
The School
Surfer Dude runs to the school
He's hiding behind a tree
Jimmy and Emma pass by
Surfer Dude looks at his notes
SURFER DUDE
Pssst, pssst! KIDS!
JIMMY
Yes?
SURFER DUDE
You know Calvin?
JIMMY
The man on the boardwalk? Yes, why?
SURFER DUDE
Calvin says that he's trying to save the town from a casino and he'd like you to come to the Boardwalk tonight -- and bring your mother.
JIMMY
Okay, we'll try! We have to ask our mother!
SURFER DUDE
Oh, could you do me a favor?
JIMMY
Sure.
SURFER DUDE
Could you also ask Mrs. Stern to come?
(sheepishly, staring nervously at the school building)
I'd do so myself, but then she'd see me and it's the middle of the school day and...
JIMMY
Sure!
SURFER DUDE
Thanks, kid!
Surfer Dude runs off
City Hall
Surfer Dude stands in front of a building
The sign says "City Hall"
A man with a black hat that says "MAYOR" on it walks out
SURFER DUDE
(grinning)
Are you the mayor?
THE MAYOR
(pointing to his hat and grinning)
Can't you read, son?
Surfer Dude and the Mayor talk in an animated fashion
At first, the audience can't hear what they're saying
The mayor looks increasingly upset by what he's hearing
Surfer Dude hands him a flyer
MAYOR
Thank you for bringing this to my attention. It sounds like this Calvin fellow is a real hero. He will sit up on the podium with me this evening.
SURFER DUDE
Yes...thanks...thanks...
MAYOR
(peering at him)
I assume you're heading back to school now, son.
Surfer Dude has already taken off
Police Station
Surfer Dude walks up to the police station
Officer Connelly comes out and talks to him
Surfer Dude hands him a flyer
The audience can't hear them talking
Surfer Dude hands him Calvin's wood-link necklace
Officer Connelly is smiling and nodding approval
He admires the necklace by holding it up
Surfer Dude takes off
Wendy's Hair Shop
Surfer Dude walks up to Wendy's Hairdressing Shop
Lots of young women who have hair just like Hairy Larry's are filing into the shop
Surfer Dude pokes his head in
A woman walks out
WOMAN
Can I help you, young man?
This shop is exclusively for women who have excessive hair.
SURFER DUDE
Are you Wendy?
WOMAN
Yes, that's me. What can I do for you?
SURFER DUDE
I have a message from...your brother. Calvin.
WENDY
Calvin!? I haven't seen him in a long time!
SURFER DUDE
He says to be at The Boardwalk at 5 tonight.
Surfer Dude hands her a flyer
As Wendy looks down at the flyer, Surfer Dude takes off
Around Town
Surfer Dude runs around the town frantically, passing out flyers and nailing them to poles
Townspeople are milling about
They're seeing the flyers and reading them
The people are getting angry
They are stopping others and handing them the flyers
THE TOWN SCENE FADES
ACT II
SCENE 4
In front of Calvin's bench
Calvin is sitting on his bench
The Groundskeeper shuffles by
He's pushing an imaginary broom
He spots Wallace and the Man with the Hardhat
He excitedly tiptoes dramatically over to Calvin
GROUNDSKEEPER
(finger to lips, and whispering)
Pssst. Pssst. Two of the men who want to build the casino -- they're HERE again!!
CALVIN
(also whispering)
Where? Where?
GROUNDSKEEPER
(pointing)
Right around the corner.
CALVIN
I've got a hook in my butt, and the fishing line is tangled in the bench and...long story, but I can't stand up. Can you help me move this bench closer, so I can listen in?
GROUNDSKEEPER
(nodding his head)
Sure.
(as an aside to the audience, he points to Calvin's wood-link necklace, almost completely finished)
I'll be darn. That's where my old broom went to!
The groundskeeper walks behind Calvin's bench
He starts lifting the bench
Calvin grabs onto the bottom seat of the bench, also lifting
Calvin stands up with the bench
They scoot across the stage in this manner, taking the bench with them
They place it down, just out of eye shot of Wallace and the Man with the Hardhat
Calvin and the Groundskeeper eavesdrop
MAN IN HARD HAT
(to Wallace)
Are you sure it's a wise idea to hold a ribbon-cutting ceremony tonight? I thought we wanted to keep this thing quiet.
WALLACE
It will be a small affair, but it's absolutely necessary. My investors are demanding we kick this off properly. They're superstitious. They believe that if there's no ribbon cutting, then the project will be jinxed from the start.
CALVIN
(whispering loudly to groundskeeper)
THAT'S MY FATHER!!
GROUNDSKEEPER
I'll be danged! I like his hard hat!
CALVIN
Not THAT man -- the OTHER man! The one in the suit!
GROUNDSKEEPER
Oh, I don't like his tie.
Calvin looks absolutely stunned
He tries to stand up, to run to him
The hook holds him back, forcing him back into his seat
He winces as he lands
Calvin sits there stunned, staring wide-eyed at the audience
The groundskeeper is shaking him, as though he's had a heart attack
Calvin sees his father rounding the corner, coming toward him
CALVIN
(bellowing)
FATHER!
Wallace sees Calvin
He is visibly stunned
WALLACE
(As an aside to the audience, he scratches his head)
I could have sworn that bench was a block away before.
WALLACE
(nervously)
Calvin! SON! What are YOU doing here?
CALVIN
(sits up and adjusts, apparently trying to hide the hook)
I'm, I'm....it doesn't matter what I'M doing here! What are YOU doing here?!
WALLACE
Oh, I'm just here on business, son.
CALVIN
I KNOW what you're up to! You're building a Casino Row on this VERY SPOT and you're going to tear down every store here, putting these fine store owners out of business! And you're even going to get rid of this very BENCH that I'm sitting on! And to THINK my very own father is behind all of this!
WALLACE
Don't you understand, Calvin? I'm going to completely revitalize this old, worn-down boardwalk, with its tired old shops. I'm going to breathe new life into this old fishing town, bring in tourists from around the state, around the country, around the world! You won't recognize this place when I'm done with it, son!
(Wallace is smiling proudly)
And...if you let me...I'll be able to get you a very good job at one of the new casinos! I know all the owners and they owe me some big favors! Nothing illegal of course, just some small favors...
CALVIN
It's WRONG, father! What you're doing is WRONG!
WALLACE
And who are YOU to tell ME that what I'm doing is wrong?! I've worked hard my whole life to give you everything you've ever needed, and all you've EVER done is throw it all away! You wouldn't take school seriously, and your mother STILL requires a weekly therapy session to get over the stress of that, and then you complained about everything, including the sweaters we bought you....
FEMALE SINGER
(from offstage, a woman's voice suddenly sings)
Don't make him wear the sweater....
CALVIN AND WALLACE
(both turning toward the voice and yelling)
SHUT UP!
WALLACE
(continuing)
...and then you just up and leave us, and all we're left with is a rumor that you've moved to Perrytown...and I know you've always loved being by the ocean, here in our town, so I thought maybe if the Boardwalk got fixed up, you might consider...returning...
CALVIN
(visibly shocked)
FATHER! You're destroying this boardwalk, this town, simply to get ME a job?!
WALLACE
(hanging his head)
What choice did I have, son? What choice DO I have?
CALVIN
Well, this is MY home and MY town and MY people, and MY bench, and I love it just the way it is! And I already have a plan in the works to stop you, Father!
WALLACE
(sings)
You'll understand when you have a son
How your work is never done
You'll dream that he'll become the man
That you could never be
You'll want to raise the heavens and moon
Feed him from a silver spoon
You'll want him to be so much more
Than you could ever be
Am I doing the right thing
How will I know
I'd help him become King
If he'd only let me know
To his own heart you'll say son be true
But deep down inside it's killing you
When you see him as the kind of man
You think yourself to be
You'll understand when you have a son
It hurts when he says you're no fun
When he sees you as the kind of man
He doesn't want to be
Am I doing the right thing
How will I know
I'd help him become King
If he'd only let me know
The scene fades to darkness
Calvin and Wallace both stare down at the ground
Both are wordless
ACT II
SCENE 5
The boardwalk is busy and bustling
The mayor is pacing around
Angry townsfolk are milling about
Some are carrying picket signs that say, "Stop Casino Row," "Save Our Town," "Go Home Developers," and "Calvin is Our Hero"
Calvin's bench is back in its original spot
Surfer Dude is next to Calvin, clutching the sheet of paper
SURFER DUDE
I did it, I did it! I did every single thing on your list!
CALVIN
That's GREAT! And did you get a new broom for the Groundskeeper?
SURFER DUDE
(slumping/deflated)
Oh, man! I forgot!
CALVIN
That's okay. I can get it, after my hook is out.
SURFER DUDE
Oh, the doctor said he's coming to take it out, just as soon as he finishes with this really wacky lady he had in his office.
CALVIN
Wacky lady?
SURFER DUDE
Yeah, she had an ice pack on her head and she said that she has a son named Calvin and something about a goldfish kissing her every night.
CALVIN
Oh, I see...
Calvin sees The Doctor approaching
He is carrying a medical bag
He stops in front of Calvin, smiling broadly
THE DOCTOR
(slapping Calvin on the back)
I'm sorry, pal -- I guess I got a little carried away before and didn't help you out with your predicament.
CALVIN
That's okay, Doc! I'm just happy you're here now!
THE DOCTOR
I've brought all my instruments, thanks to your friend here...
(pointing to Surfer Dude)
...and we should have the hook out in a minute. Errr...as long as there's no rust on it, you should be fine.
CALVIN
(nervously)
Uhh...what happens if there's rust?
THE DOCTOR
(dismissively waving his hand)
Oh, you know, blood poisoning, tetanus. You could be here one moment and...
(snapping his fingers)
...GONE the next! Heh, heh. But no, no, let's not think about that!
CALVIN
(wiping sweat from his brow)
Well, okay.
THE DOCTOR
(digging through his bag)
Ahhhh, here it is! This should work!
(he pulls out a large, scary-looking instrument)
CALVIN
Oh my...
Surfer Dude shuts his eyes tight
He places his hands over his ears
He turns away
SURFER DUDE
(loudly singing)
la la la la la la la
THE DOCTOR
As a psychiatrist, I firmly believe this hook is NOT going to come out, no matter how hard I pull, if you don't BELIEVE it's going to come out. Calvin, this is important. Do you BELIEVE that you can be finally freed of this...HOOK...that has been keeping you down...keeping you stuck in this one place?
CALVIN
Yes, doc, I finally DO believe. I truly do! I don't want to be stuck anymore in one place. I don't want to be kept down like this. I want to feel ALIVE again!
THE DOCTOR
That's very good, Calvin, that's very good. Now, while I remove this, you have to close your eyes and just BELIEVE.
CALVIN
I will, doc, I will. I mean...I do, doc, I do. I do believe that it's time for this hook to come out!
(to the audience)
Do you believe? I could use your help here!
THE DOCTOR
(leaning behind Calvin)
Okay, okay, looks like I've got it. When I count to three, I'll pull and you push...no, no, I mean, I'll pull and you...well, you just stay there....one, two, THREE!
Calvin yelps in pain
The doctor stands triumphantly, holding up The Hook!
It's a foot long
He holds it so the audience can see
He's looking at Calvin incredulously
He makes a big deal of studying it closely from every angle
THE DOCTOR
I'll be danged. There's not a bit of rust on this! Looks like we don't have to worry about tetanus! It's as shiny as a...brand new hook!
CALVIN
ALL RIGHT!!!!
He jumps to his feet
He stumbles, a little unsteady
CALVIN
(grabbing the doctor's hand and shaking it vigorously)
Thank you, thank you, thanks so much, doc! You've saved my LIFE! I'm sorry to run off, but I've got a lot of work to do!
THE DOCTOR
(placing the hook back on the bench)
Yes, I've heard...the whole town has heard...go, go, go...do what you have to do!
SURFER DUDE
(still covering his ears)
la la la la la la la
CALVIN
(shouting to Surfer Dude)
IT'S OVER!!! THE HOOK IS OUT!!!
Surfer Dude opens his eyes and takes his hands from his ears
He sees Calvin STANDING before him
He grins
SURFER DUDE
Hey, you're taller than I thought! The hook's out?
CALVIN
(sings)
It's out, it's out
The big ol' hook is out
Gonna do a dance and sing a song
It makes me want to shout
It's out, it's out
The big ol' hook is out
Gonna raise my hands and stomp my feet
I swear I had my doubts
But it's out baby
The big ol' hook is out
Gonna eat a pie and touch the sky
And take a different route
It's out, yippee it's out
The big ol' hook is out
The big ol' hook.....is out
Calvin and Surfer Dude run off
ACT II
SCENE 6
The stage transforms
The boardwalk is split into two camps
The Developers on one side, and The Townsfolk on the other side
Each side has a podium and speaking platform
The Developer's side has rows of spectator chairs, tables of fancy-looking food, and elegant-looking guests
The Town's side has a crowd of ordinary, angry people, standing with picket signs
The Mayor is up on the town's platform
A row of Marcie Thompson Lap Chairs are set up behind the podium
The Mayor is looking down upon the townspeople
Calvin makes his way up to the podium
The Mayor greets him with a handshake and hug
Suddenly, the wacky woman comes running up onto the podium
She's still holding the ice bag to her head
CALVIN
(shocked)
MOM!
CALVIN'S MOTHER
(hugging him)
Oh, Calvin, Calvin, my baby! I've MISSED YOU!
CALVIN
(hugging her back)
I've missed you too, mom. How's my goldfish?
CALVIN'S MOTHER
He's fine. He's so cute. He swims around all the time and I watch him for hours and every night he gives me a kiss and...
CALVIN
Okay, okay, mom. Look, I've got a problem. Can you help me?
CALVIN'S MOTHER
(removing her ice bag)
What is it?
CALVIN
It's dad. Have you seen the flyers about the boardwalk being torn down to build a Casino Row?
CALVIN'S MOTHER
Yes, I think that's a terrible thing...what a terrible waste of..
CALVIN
Well, dad's behind it. Dad is the developer! It's HIS project! He's doing it in the hopes that I'll get a good job at a casino through one of his rich friends!
CALVIN'S MOTHER
I'll KILL Wallace!
CALVIN
No, mom...I just need you to STOP him. Can you DO that?
CALVIN'S MOTHER
Of course I can stop him!
CALVIN
(hugs her)
Thanks, mom!
Calvin's Mother charges off
The spotlight turns to Wallace
He's standing off to the side
He's whispering into a cell phone
WALLACE
Yes, that's right, Perry. Yes, yes, please come immediately to the boardwalk. Yes, yes, I know you didn't want to attend the ribbon-cutting, but you are going to find this very interesting. You must be here! Please come -- NOW!
Wallace ends the call
He places the cell phone neatly into his breast pocket
Suddenly, through the crowd, we see Calvin's mother
She's running crazily toward Wallace
She's holding the ice pack to her head
When she reaches Wallace, she faints into his arms
Wallace revives her
WALLACE
Dear, dear, now what has gotten you so upset? You heard about our son, didn't you? You heard about Calvin!
CALVIN'S MOTHER
(reviving)
Yes, and I just spoke to him, Wallace! He's told me that you're the developer behind all of this and he wants you to STOP! And I want you to STOP! You've already driven our son away once, and I refuse to let you drive him away again!
WALLACE
(hanging his head)
Yes, dear, it's true. I thought it was the right thing to do. But I see now, it wasn't right. I'm trying to make things right. You'll see, in a few minutes...
They're interrupted by the Mayor's speech
They turn to watch
The Mayor begins his speech
At the same time, Wallace is listening
He keeps looking at his watch and glancing around
MAYOR
Ladies and Gentlemen! We all know why we are gathered here today! Right under my nose, right under ALL of our noses, developers have received state permits to knock down our boardwalk, and demolish all of the businesses here! And for what?! To build a Casino Row!
(the audience starts booing and hissing and waving their fists, their signs bobbing up and down!)
MAYOR
(satisfied and continuing)
This was brought today to my attention by one of our most upstanding---errrr...well...one of our citizens, Calvin...
(he stops and turns, whispering to Calvin)
What's your last name?
CALVIN
(whispers)
Stewart. Calvin Stewart.
MAYOR
(making a sweeping gesture toward Calvin)
Calvin Stewart!
Embarrassed, Calvin stands up
He takes a half-bow and then sits back down again
He winces, as though he's still sore
MAYOR
I have all my lawyers working on this now, as I speak. We are trying to determine any legal recourse we have in this matter!
The crowd cheers and goes wild
Calvin looks down into the audience
Jimmy and Emma and Destiny are there
Susan is there, glaring at him
Wendy's there, looking bewildered, a pair of scissors in her hand
Marcie Thompson is there, sitting in a Lap Chair
Even Hairy Larry is there, with her two young, hairy daughters, and her husband, who's completely bald
Officer Connelly is there with his wife, who's wearing the wood-link necklace
The Shopkeeper walks up to them
SHOPKEEPER
(to Mrs. Connelly)
Where did you get that stunning wood-link necklace?
(he leans in to look at it)
It's very unique and quite beautiful
(aside to the audience, looking bewildered)
Hmmmm...that wood looks AWFULLY familiar for some reason...
SHOPKEEPER
(to Mrs. Connelly)
May I feel the wood?
MRS. CONNELLY
(taking the necklace off)
Why certainly!
SHOPKEEPER
(holding the necklace like a broom handle he says, as an aside to the audience)
It FEELS so familiar too!
MRS. CONNELLY
(taking the necklace back and putting it around her neck)
My husband just gave it to me today, as an anniversary present!
OFFICER CONNELLY
(pointing to Calvin up on the podium)
Yes, it was hand-whittled by that man right up there!
SHOPKEEPER
(squinting)
My he looks familiar...
Well, thank you very much.
Enjoy your necklace.
He walks away.
Nearby, Wallace is in the shadows
Perry appears
Wallace waves him down impatiently
Wallace and Perry are deep in conversation
Calvin walks to the microphone
The crowd begins cheering wildly
CALVIN
Ladies and Gentlemen. I love this town, and this boardwalk. I know we all do.
(wiping a tear from his eye)
When I heard that it was all going to be torn down to build a Casino Row, I knew I had to do something. I've never been very good at doing something in my life, and I've made an awful lot of mistakes....
(he looks down at Mrs. Stern, who is beaming up at him)
...but...there comes a time when a man has to show up to be counted, so I'm showing up now! A man has to stand up for something, or he's not a man!
(looking down)
My father taught me that, back when he used to believe it.
Wallace looks over at Calvin.
CALVIN
(continuing)
But I think that somewhere along the way, my father got lost, and I am here to tell you that I found out this afternoon that my father is the man responsible for the planned destruction of this boardwalk! He's the man who's planning to build Casino Row! My very own father!
The crowd gasps
Calvin stands there, hanging his head
The lights dim and the mayor's podium goes dark
The spotlight turns to the other side of the stage-- the side with the ribbon-cutting ceremony
ACT II
SCENE 7
On the podium
Wallace walks up the podium steps
He takes his place in front of the microphone
The attendees are all seated, clapping politely
Slowly, the lights go up on the Mayor's side of the stage
The townspeople turn to face the ribbon-cutting ceremony
Now everyone, including Calvin, is watching
WALLACE
Ladies and Gentleman! I invited you here tonight to celebrate the groundbreaking of a brand new Casino Row! The plan was to replace this old pier and boardwalk and revitalize this whole town!
(the seated attendees clap, while the townspeople boo and hiss)
I truly believed that this would be the best thing that could happen to this old town, as it would bring new jobs and economic prosperity!
(they clap again; the townspeople boo and hiss)
But, as well as being a businessman, I am also a father. Calvin is my son. He left home when he was 19, and he has been wasting his life away, fishing and drinking! I know that Calvin loves this town and this boardwalk. I thought that if I could start fresh with a Casino Row, offering job opportunities for Calvin and others, then maybe that would encourage Calvin to start off on a fresh foot too.
Calvin is visibly shaken
WALLACE
(continuing)
But what I didn't count on was....Calvin's love for this boardwalk, for this pier, for this bench...for these people...
(he wipes a tear away with his sleeve)
...and so, I would like to introduce an old business associate of mine. His name is Perry Hawkins.
Perry stands and takes a bow
The audience claps
WALLACE
(continuing)
When we were getting state permits to build Casino Row, Perry and I were competing for the contract. I won the right to build Casino Row in this town.
Calvin is moving toward the stage
Tears are in his eyes
Wallace is looking at Calvin
WALLACE
(continuing)
But I've been speaking with Perry today, and he is still interested in building Casino Row in HIS town of Perrytown. It's 100 miles north of here, and he has the backing of his mayor and town residents.
The crowd gasps
WALLACE
(taking a deep breath)
So, I am officially relinquishing my rights to Casino Row in this town. And, if state officials give their approval, then Perry will build Casino Row in Perrytown!
The crowd goes absolutely WILD!!
Susan looks shocked
Calvin steps up onstage with his father
He walks up to the microphone
The crowd calms down to listen to Calvin
CALVIN
(wiping away more tears)
Thank you, Father. I know that I have been a disappointment to you, but I have also disappointed myself. But, starting today, I am going to work on realizing my dream of being an electric surf music deejay, and I WILL turn my life around!
(turning to his father)
You'll see, dad. You'll see.
(turning to the audience)
NOW, LET'S PARTY!!!
Suddenly, Surfer Dude appears with huge speakers
He sets them up
He's got a huge stack of CDs
He puts in a CD
The music starts playing -- it's "Puttin' on the Ritz"
Surfer Dude is smiling proudly!
RANDOM TEENAGER
(to his group of friends)
COOL! Is this a new band?
ANOTHER RANDOM TEENAGER
I think it is! Our parents are going to HATE it!
Everyone gets up and starts dancing and partying
Calvin takes over as deejay and puts on more music
The signs are thrown into the air
Everyone is jolly
Calvin and his dad shake hands
They hug
Calvin's mother faints
ACT II
SCENE 8
On the boardwalk
Susan makes her her way through the crowd
SUSAN
(hugging Calvin)
Honey, I'm so glad you and your daddy made up! We're sure gonna live a good life, you and me!
CALVIN
I'm not taking money from my father, Susan. I'm going to start a good career as a surf music deejay. I've already got some business ideas and...
SUSAN
(pulling away)
A DEEJAY? Your father is RICH, and you're not going to take money from your father -- money that is rightfully yours, by BLOOD?!
She turns to leave
She runs smack dab into Perry
Perry's eyes nearly pop out of his head as he looks down into her low-cut blouse
He turns to the audience and waggles his tongue
SUSAN
Why Mr. Hawkins, fancy seeing you again! I HAVE read all about you in the High Society pages of the newspaper! You're much more handsome than your pictures, though! And I DO love that Perry Como sweater you're wearing!
PERRY
And I sure LOOOVE EVERYTHING about you!
Susan blushes
Perry puts his arm out
She hooks her arm in his as she giggles
Suddenly, the six Perry Como sweater girls appear
THE GIRLS
(sing)
Don't make him wear the sweater
The girls run to Perry
They surround him and try to remove his sweater
PERRY
What? My sweater? No, no, I want my sweater!
SUSAN
(to the girls)
Leave him alone! He wants his sweater!
THE GIRLS
(sing)
Don't make him wear the sweater
The girls drag Perry off-stage
They are clawing at Perry's sweater, while singing
Susan starts fighting with the girls
They continue to wrestle as they leave the stage
ACT II
SCENE 9
On the boardwalk
From the sidelines, Jimmy, Emma and Destiny are watching
Calvin looks up, surprised to see them
He looks embarrassed
CALVIN
Oh, I'm sorry you had to witness that.
DESTINY
What? The sweater? Perry Como sweaters are the worst. They should let those girls have it.
CALVIN
No, no, I mean...me and my father.
DESTINY
Oh, your father...that's a very brave thing you just did. My kids told me you are a fine and honorable man, and now...now I believe them.
They both look love struck.
CALVIN
Do you like surf music?
DESTINY
(belting this out, very animated, completely out of character)
DO I LIKE SURF MUSIC? I like to close my eyes and float away to Surfer Girl and The Lonely Sea then I like to listen to, Pipeline, Wipe Out and the wildest song of all.......Surfin Bird!!!!
She stops, looking embarrassed
CALVIN
WOW -- well, those are MY favorites too!
(to audience)
She's singing the same song as me!
CALVIN AND DESTINY
(singing together)
It's alive
It sings
It pulls at my heart strings
It's love
It's love
Like love birds in the same tree
That's how love feels to me
It rises
It floats
Like a musical note
It's love
It's love
Like love birds in harmony
She sings the same song as me
It's love
It's love
It's magic
It's here
It won't disappear
It's love, It's love
It's love, It's love
I've come to the conclusion
It's more than an illusion
It's love, It's love
It's love, It's love
CALVIN
Wait a minute!
He changes the CD to a slow number
He puts out his hand, and she takes it
They begin to dance
Except for the music, the whole stage becomes quiet
All eyes are on them
CALVIN AND DESTINY
(sing)
When I look at my reflection
I don't see perfection
But in your eyes I feel a connection
Can it be that you share the same pain as me?
They embrace
ACT II
SCENE 10
On the boardwalk
SURFER DUDE
(grinning and tapping on Calvin's shoulder,
interrupting the embrace)
It's cool the way everything's all worked out, dude. You're, like, my hero! When I grow up, I want to be just like you!
CALVIN
(grinning and slapping Surfer Dude on the back)
Hey, man, I can't thank you enough for all you've done. I couldn't have done ANY of this without you! You're a real friend.
SURFER DUDE
Hey, man, I saw there were some big waves. I'll see you around...
Suddenly, Mrs. Stern appears
As Surfer Dude is running off, she grabs him by the ear
MRS. STERN
(holding onto his ear)
And where were YOU today, young man?! Today was a SCHOOL day!
SURFER DUDE
Yeah, I...I was sure sorry to miss school today! I'll be there tomorrow...
MRS. STERN
(releasing his ear)
I have checked my calendar. You have missed 10 days of school this year! And I just had a LONG talk with your father! He and I have both agreed that you shall stay after school each and every day until you've made those 10 days up!
SURFER DUDE
(gulping weakly)
But, but...what about the waves and my surfing and...
MRS. STERN
There's PLENTY of time for that in the summer -- IF you work hard and don't need to attend my Summer School courses!
SURFER DUDE
(looking to Calvin for help)
But, but...
CALVIN
(smiling)
I should have listened to Mrs. Stern when I was your age, and by now, I might have owned my own surf music recording studio!
Calvin and Mrs. Stern start singing and dancing
CALVIN
(sings)
If only I had known
I'd have gone to school to learn
Done all I could
To get An A from Mrs. Stern
MRS. STERN
(sings)
If only he had known
If only he had known
CALVIN
(sings)
If only I had known
I would not have fooled around
Made my father proud
Shared common ground
MRS. STERN
(sings)
If only he had known
If only he had known
CALVIN
(sings)
If only....
MRS. STERN
(sings)
If only....
CALVIN
(sings)
If only...
MRS. STERN
(sings)
He had known...
CALVIN
(sings)
If only I had known
I'd have studied every night
Listened in class
And I might have been polite
MRS. STERN
(sings)
If only he had known
If only he had known
CALVIN
(sings)
If only I had known'
I'd have learned me some French
Mastered higher math
Avoided the bench
MRS. STERN
(sings)
If only he had known
If only he had known
CALVIN
(sings)
If only....
MRS. STERN
(sings)
If only....
CALVIN
(sings)
If only...
MRS. STERN
(sings)
He had known...
CALVIN & MRS. STERN
(looking at each other and shaking their heads)
Naaaaahhhh...
CALVIN
(sings)
If only....
MRS. STERN
(sings)
If only....
CALVIN
(sings)
If only...
MRS. STERN
(sings)
He had known...
They stop singing
They're breathless
MRS. STERN
(nodding approvingly at Calvin)
Deep down, I always thought you'd make something of yourself some day, Calvin Stewart.
Mrs. Stern grabs hold of Surfer Dude's ear
MRS. STERN
(to Surfer Dude)
Come with me, young man! We're going to school now!
They disappear down the boardwalk together
ACT II
SCENE 11
On the boardwalk
Marcie Thompson is dragging a Lap Chair from the podium
Calvin runs over to assist her
MARCIE THOMPSON
Calvin, I've been trying to contact you for a long time. Have you received my letters?
CALVIN
If you've been sending them to my parent's house, I haven't gotten them. I haven't been home for years.
MARCIE THOMPSON
Well, I was so glad when your friend came into my shop, and alerted me about how to find you. I have been wanting to make you a partner in my furniture business.
CALVIN
ME? WHY ME?
MARCIE THOMPSON
Well, we know it was an accident when you fell into my lap that day in Mrs. Stern's class...
CALVIN
Yeah, I really didn't mean to do that, Marcie. I had my headphones on and I was listening to my electric surf music, and I didn't want Mrs. Stern to catch me with them on, and then I tripped and fell....
MARCIE THOMPSON
That's all water under the bridge, Calvin. It turns out that's the best thing that ever happened to me in my life! You know how it turned into a big joke with all the kids, and at first I was embarrassed, but I thought it was funny, too. And, it was you who said that my lap was so comfortable it should be a chair! And well, now I have the most successful novelty furniture business in the country, and I'm very wealthy!
CALVIN
Well, what do you need ME for, Marcie?
MARCIE THOMPSON
None of my success could have happened without you, Calvin. And I'd like you to share in the success that you helped to create.
CALVIN
But well...I'm flattered...but my dream is to pursue electric surf music and become a dee-jay, not to go into the furniture business.
MARCIE THOMPSON
And that works fine for me, Calvin. I want to pursue medical school like Mrs. Stern always thought I should. If we work together running the business, then perhaps we can both pursue our other dreams!
CALVIN
Well, let me think about that, Marcie. Hey -- maybe we can create an Electric Surf Music sofa...I've got ideas...
MARCIE THOMPSON
An Electric Surf Music Sofa?! That's BRILLIANT, Calvin!
CALVIN
(blushing)
Thank you, Marcie.
MARCIE THOMPSON
Please stop by the shop, Calvin, and we can talk about our options some more.
CALVIN
Will do. Thanks.
MARCIE THOMPSON
(looking at her watch)
I've got to get back to the shop. See you later, Calvin.
CALVIN
Goodbye, Marcie!
MARCIE THOMPSON
Oh, by the way...I already have some help, so that might free up our time. Since the business started, my office manager has kept everything straight. I don't know what I'd do without her. She lives in town and she has two kids and the poor kids lost their father a few years ago when he walked out on them, but sometimes she brings them to the store to help.
CALVIN
A mother and two kids?
MARCIE THOMPSON
(interrupting)
Yes, a boy and a girl. Her name is 'Destiny.' I think you'll like her. I've gotta run.
Marcie leaves
CALVIN
Oh...'Destiny.' That does make sense.
ACT II
SCENE 12
On the boardwalk
Calvin turns around and nearly runs into the Shopkeeper
He is startled
SHOPKEEPER
You are Calvin, correct?
CALVIN
Well...yes...
SHOPKEEPER
You look awfully familiar, but I just can't place where we've met.
CALVIN
I...I don't think we've ever met.
SHOPKEEPER
No matter. I have a business proposition for you.
CALVIN
For ME?
SHOPKEEPER
Yes, I was speaking with Officer Connelly and his wife, and they told me that you made that stunning wood-link necklace that Mrs. Connelly is wearing. Is that correct?
CALVIN
Yeah, yes...
SHOPKEEPER
Well, I'd like to place a very large order for those necklaces. I'd like to sell them in my shop. I will offer you a fair price.
CALVIN
You want to SELL my necklaces?
SHOPKEEPER
Yes, yes. I've never seen anything like them before!
CALVIN
Well, I'm pursuing my dream of being a surf music deejay, but...
SHOPKEEPER
If these necklaces sell like I think they will, you could make a VERY comfortable living on these necklaces and pursue that...
(making a distasteful face)
...that surf music deejay thing on the side.
CALVIN
How about I stop by your shop tomorrow to discuss this?
SHOPKEEPER
That's fine. Fine.
(hesitating)
By the way, what DO you see in that surf music anyway? Now, that Surfer Dude kid has good taste...you could learn a thing or two about good music from him!
The Shopkeeper walks away, singing, "Puttin' on the Ritz."
Calvin smiles.
ACT II
SCENE 13
On the boardwalk
The mayor approaches Calvin
They shake hands
MAYOR
I wanted to thank you again for saving our Boardwalk.
CALVIN
You're welcome, Mr. Mayor, but...I'm just sorry it was my father that...
MAYOR
All water under the bridge. In my opinion, what you did shows even more strength of character. It's never easy to go up against your own father. I was impressed. Yes, very impressed, young man.
CALVIN
Well, gosh, thank you.
MAYOR
My second term for Mayor is up next year, and a mayor in this town can only have two terms. I'll be running for the state senate seat next year.
CALVIN
Well, congratulations!
MAYOR
Thank you. But I care about this town and I want to make sure it remains in good, capable hands.
CALVIN
Gee, me too. I hope we can vote in the right person.
MAYOR
That's what I'm here to talk to you about. I think that YOU are the right person! You've demonstrated that you've got strength of character. And that's the main qualification for the job of mayor!
CALVIN
Well, I've never heard of a mayor who's a surf music deejay, so I can't imagine...
MAYOR
Mr. Stewart! I know that you're more than your surf music! I know that for a fact. You turned my son on to one of the musical greats, Irving Berlin, and you've got him going back to school, wanting to be serious about it now.
CALVIN
(shocked)
WHAT?! Are you saying that Surfer Dude is...is your SON?!!!
MAYOR
Yes, he's my son. Up until now, I hate to admit that he's been a bit of an embarrassment to the office of the mayor but...with your help...I can already see a big change in him.
CALVIN
Well, gosh...I'm glad I could help, but he was already a good kid.
MAYOR
(smiling)
Yes, he is a good kid. And you've helped to make him better. So, can you stop by my office next week to discuss your future in politics?
CALVIN
Sure, sure. I'll call your office...and make an appointment, Mr. Mayor.
MAYOR
Good show! Thank you again, Calvin.
CALVIN
Thank YOU, Mr. Mayor
The Mayor walks away
Calvin looks dumbfounded
ACT II
SCENE 14
On the boardwalk
It's now early morning
The party has finally ended
The last of the townspeople are leaving
Calvin, Destiny, Jimmy and Emma are among the only ones left
The Groundskeeper is there too
CALVIN
(to Groundskeeper)
Here, I got you a new broom. I'm sorry -- I whittled your other one away.
GROUNDSKEEPER
(winking)
It'll look real pretty around your girl's neck!
CALVIN
(winking back)
That's my plan.
The Groundskeeper shuffles off, sweeping and doing a little jig
He's singing "Puttin' on the Ritz"
CALVIN
(to Destiny)
I have something for you.
He pulls out the wood-link necklace and places it around her neck.
DESTINY
Thank you...it's, it's...beautiful!
They kiss
The kids turn to each other, making "yuck" faces
DESTINY
I have to get the kids to school. They should be exhausted, but they couldn't sleep right now if I paid them! Can you come over to have breakfast with us?
CALVIN
Yes. You go first. I'll finish cleaning up and I'll be there shortly.
Destiny, Jimmy and Emma walk away
Calvin looks around and smiles
He sits down on the bench -- on the gigantic hook!
He winces in pain
He's stuck again and struggles to free himself
Suddenly, Jimmy appears
CALVIN
Jimmy, I'm stuck again!
JIMMY
Don't worry!
Jimmy picks up the fish hook book and flips through it
He reaches behind Calvin, and removes the hook
Excitedly, he grabs Calvin's arm and pulls him up
JIMMY
C'MON, DAD!
Calvin looks shocked
Jimmy looks embarrassed
Calvin grabs him and hugs him
They begin walking together
CALVIN
Did I ever tell you about how I almost became a famous soccer player?
They head down the boardwalk, talking and laughing
The hook is still lying on the bench, along with the bottle of wine
AFTER THE LAST ENCORE
The audience has finished clapping
They're getting ready to go
The lights go up
The Groundskeeper walks in
He's sweeping up the stage with his broom
GROUNDSKEEPER
(to audience)
Well, goodnight, folks. I've got a big mess to clean up. Sure do.
He sees the wine sitting on the bench
He picks it up
He sits down
On the hook
He's now HOOKED
GROUNDSKEEPER
(to audience, as they file out)
Hey -- I'm stuck.
Hello, hello, can someone give me a hand?
(now belligerent and glaring)
I guess maybe you're glad it's me sitting here on a fishing hook, and not you...
The song "HOOKED" begins to play
THE END